Media coverage surrounding the divorce of Justin Trudeau and his wife Sophie has focused on reports that the couple plan for their children to remain in their family home in Ottawa, with Justin and Sophie taking it in turns to live with them.
In England and Wales, we would refer to this as a 'nesting' arrangement.
In the arrangement the children remain in the family home and the parents take it in turns to rotate in and out. It is uncommon but increasingly being seen as way to minimise change for the children. It tends to happen more in the immediate aftermath of separation.
Ultimately it may be better for the children to be guided slowly to the reality of the changes that come post-separation. The nesting arrangement could be a positive half-way house prior to the parents having their own places. It does mean that the children do not have to be anxious about leaving their possessions at the home of the other parent and will always have their special bedtime toy, homework and so on. It also transmits to the children that both parents remain an important part of their lives.
When it comes to the arrangement itself, the split between rotations does not necessarily have to be equal. One parent may simply move out on the weekends. However, there are risks that this could end up being unfair during term-time if one parent gets to spend more positive down time with the children while the other continues to deliver the heavy lifting aspect of parenting in the school week.
There are also clearly financial implications as to where the other parent stays when they are not in the house, and these must be considered before going down this route. The parents may stay with relatives or rotate in and out of a small apartment, which may feel very uncomfortable for the parents emotionally and psychologically. If a family is wealthy, then it may be that the family home can be retained for this purpose and both parents rehoused nearby. But for many families this is not an option. It is also worth noting that there may also be tax implications if the family home gains in value.
To even attempt this arrangement, the parents must have a good working relationship and trust one another. There will need to be an open and ongoing dialogue between the parents and, depending on their age, with the children to ensure that everyone is comfortable with how things are going and so that the children understand that their parents are no longer together as a romantic couple.
To ensure things stay on the right track, it may be useful for the parents to draw up a formal parenting plan, and possibly check in with a family therapist to ensure that the right messages are being passed to the children.
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